0 Best Jokes

 Best joke in the world

    A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator:  

-My friend is dead! What can I do?

   The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: 

-Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. 

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says:  

-OK, now what?

Saving her hat

 An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship‚ holding her hat on tightly so that it wouldn't blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: 

Pardon me‚ madam. I do not intend to be forward‚ but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?

-Yes,I know‚ said the lady,I need both hands to hold onto this hat.
-But‚ madam‚ you must know that your privates are exposed!, said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down‚ then back up at the man and replied:

Sir‚ anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!

Microsoft Hotline

 A customer call the Hotline at Microsoft:

- I installed the beta version of Windows XP and Office 2000 it no longer works!

-We had the same problem ...

-And what did you do?

- I have installed Windows XP again!

After one hour call back client:

- Now there nothing works!

- Nothing new ...

The camping trip


Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.
-I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes, replies Watson.
-And what do you deduce from that?
Watson ponders for a minute.
-Well,

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
-But what does it tell you, Holmes?
Holmes is silent for a moment.
-Watson, you idiot! he says.Someone has stolen our tent!

Tools needed at fishing

One morning, to do something different, the wife takes the husband's fishing boat out on the lake and read a book. While reading it, appears a sentinel

- Hallo lady, can I ask you what are you doing here?ask patrol.

- Well, get it, read a book.

- You are in an area where fishing is prohibited, the man informs.

- Ok sir, but I do not fish, I read.

- Yes, but you have all necessary tools and you can start anytime. We'll have to go to the station.

- Okay, but I will accuse of sexual harassment, she said.

-But I don't even touched you, answer surprised man

- Yes, but you have all necessary tools and you can start anytime.

At doctor

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off:

-Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says:

-Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....=))
  

In a bar

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams:

-I slept with your mother!

The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells:

-I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!

The other says:

-Go home dad you’re drunk!

0 Anul 2012,oare ce va fi?

Se spune ca timpul va ajunge la zero, clima se va schimba dramatic, iar ADN-ul uman va fi reprogramat. Pe masura ce ne apropiem de anul 2012, vor avea loc mai multe schimbari la nivelul planetei, care vor provoca modificari radicale si bruste de clima si vor duce la anarhie, se arata intr-un raport al Pentagonului.Din cate am citit teoria este sustinuta de mayasi, care prevad ca "sfarsitul timpului" va avea loc pe 21 decembrie 2012. Calendarul Maya se incheie brusc la aceasta data, cu toate ca, in trecut, mayasii, care erau foarte avansati in astronomie, calculasera date cosmice pana la milioane de ani.

Totusi nu cred ca va fi sfarsitul lumii..asa relateaza si specialisti:)

La nivel planetar, avem de-a face cu o inversiune a polilor magnetici, fenomen care se petrece o data la 13.000 de ani, deeeci de doua ori intr-un mare ciclu cosmic de 26.000 de ani. De asemenea, asistam la o crestere a rezonantei magnetice a Pamantului, care a inceput din 1980. Prin urmare, in anul 2012, timpul va atinge valoarea zero.:-O In prezent, ziua are de fapt doar 16 ore, in loc de 24, din cauza faptului ca rezonanta are 12 cicli pe secunda, fata de 7,83 cicli pe secunda. Tot in 2012, planul sistemului nostru solar se va alinia peste planul Galaxiei, Calea Lactee.

Potrivit mayasilor, anul 2012 nu va fi sfarsitul lumii asa cum poate va imaginati;), ci momentul cand adevarul ne va fi revelat. Toate aceste schimbari dramatice vor avea efecte serioase si asupra ADN-ului uman, care va fi suferit o reprogramare si va fi imbunatatit, avand 12 spirale in loc de doua. Oamenii vor depasi tehnologia, asa cum e cunoscuta azi si va avea loc o trecere rapida prin dimensiunea a patra si intrarea in cea de-a cincea...Stiu ca s-a tot vorbit in alti ani de "sfarsitul lumii" dar erau relatate doar de cativa oameni care pretindeau ca sunt clarvazatori...Se pare ca toate au fost minciuni.In schimb in ultimii ani s-au descoperit multe lucruri printre care si calendarul mayas care evidentiaza aceasta trecere in noua era. Deja schimbaile climatice au aparut...s-a descoperit si acea planeta-Nibiru(a 12-a planeta cu tot cu soare si luna) de care nu se stia..si care va trece foarte aproape de Pamant provocand perturbante.Un lucru misterios este faptul ca mayasii stiau de aceasta planeta iar noi abia am aflat si ne consideram mult mai avansati decat erau ei atunci..dar totusi cine stie ce s-a intamplat cu cunostintele dobandite???

Tot ce e de facut este sa asteptam si sa vedem ce se va intampla:)) e intr-un fel ciudat si ar trebui sa va ganditi ca daca e adevarat..daca intr-adevar vom trece intr-o noua era...suntem norocosi,adik din 13.000 de ani sa ne nastem exact in jurul anului 2012 e ceva:>.Voi ce parere aveti?:)

0 Cum sa faci un folder ascuns:

Pentru inceput creeaza un folder (Click dreapta -> New ->Folder). Acum pune-i numele la folder tinand apasat tasta ALT si tastand de la tastele din Num Lock numarul 0160 sau 255.

Acum poti observa ca folderul este fara nume, ceea ce arata ca mai e doar un pas pana la a-l face invizibil. Acum da click dreapta pe folder, alege optiunea Proprieties, pe urma tab-ul Customize si trebuie sa dai click pe Change icon.
Acum, din acea lista trebuie sa alegi icon-ul care nu are nici o animatie, adica cel invizibil.

Acum nu iti mai ramane decat sa dai OK si folderul este facut.

0 Un mass interesant

Cel mai interesant mass de Yahoo Messenger; poate l-ati primit si voi, mie insa mi s-a parut deosebit. De ce? deoarece arata 3 lucruri reale si uimitoare, si anume:

Exista 3 lucruri pe care Microsoft nu le poate explica:

1. Un indian a descoperit ca nimeni nu poate crea un folder oriunde in calculator sub numele de “CON”.E ceva ciudat si inexplicabil!…La Microsoft, nimeni din echipa nu a putut explica de ce se intampla asta! Poti incerca acum, dar niciodata nu o sa poti crea un folder “CON”.

2. Pentru cei dintre voi care folositi Windows,incercati asta:

• Deschideti un fisier gol Notepad

• Tastati “Bush hid the facts” (fara ghilimele)

• Salvati-l ca orice doriti

• Inchideti-l si redeschideti-l! Ati observat? Nimeni nu poate explica

3. Deschideti Microsoft Word si tastati “=rand(200,99)” – tot fara ghilimele. Apoi apasati Enter si vedeti magia!:X